duties versus choices
mind shifts
I acted like a retired person today. That is harder than it sounds in that I am not sure I completely believe I won’t get a call back to the office, almost 21 months after I departed. It’s not that I was so important: I definitely was not. It’s that work was the central feature of my life in the middle of every day, whether it was Tuesday or Sunday.
As an academic, I felt guilty when not engaged in scholarship, be it a brief review or a mangum opus (even though most stuff is actually too specialised to be read by enough people to call it magnum in my book). We are trained to publish publish publish as if the world would come to an end without our profundity.
I do believe we who had the chance to pursue advanced education were so incredibly privileged that we owe so much back to our society. But, I do fear we have become more comfortable talking to people who talk like us than we realise but that is just me.
The effect is we go through so much of our lives, whether on a tenure track or somewhere else in the scholarly world, with a monkey on our backs not too subtly reminding us ‘You could be writing. No, you SHOULD be writing’ when you’re doing the most mundane task or focusing on something else truly important like spending time with your spouse or kids. The academic culture we have embraced by the time we finish graduate school is pretty rarified and specialised.
I thought about planting in front of our building today. I think that is what retired people do rather than agonise about the data to support their arguments. The wee voice in my head today was asking me what we will plant in that space in front of the building. It’s not quite time as the end-of-frost date is still two months away but I can fully think about that question if I want. I think retired people allow themselves to focus in detail on specifics relating to the pleasures of their living situation so I am finally realising that.
I am still learning to think differently as silly as that sounds.
We live in a magnificent community along Spa Creek on the Eastport side of Annapolis where several, if not many, people really know about plants. I don’t know much about plants but definitely know I adore colour because I believe it cheers us, it motivates us, it pleases us.
As the sun rose this morning, it struck me I can focus on spring in a completely different way this year. I have no obligations in D.C. these days unless I want to go. I surrendered my teaching when I departed Cornell and the War College. I am not consulting to help anyone with how they offer courses. I give lectures when invited but that is far more sporadic. But those are choices rather than ‘must do-s’.
How liberating. But isn’t it fascinating that it’s taken me this long to believe it? I am a slow learner, I suppose.
It was a splendid sunrise after yesterday’s nearly an inch of rain.
Rain preparing the beds for the planting to come.
Stay tuned for pictures. Actions create consequences.
Thank you for reading this column today. I welcome any thoughts, queries, or suggestions you have as I appreciate your time.
Be well and be safe. FIN
Such a profound note on so many levels. Thank you! The water leak problem—yep. The boat anecdote worries me so as ,y husband rarely turns down travel but what we missing as a result?? In sum, we are so lucky.
Ah yes... the "retired dilemma" as I now refer to it. The visions of long hours reading, doing a bit of writing (not to your level), hikes in the foot hills, lengthy visits with friends and family, sleeping until whenever, month-long stays wherever... all that romantic thinking was chased away with reality. Overseeing a new home build in the wilds of the Owyhee County desert of S. Western Idaho was part of it. Deciding to completely landscape our just-under 2 acres of previous alfalfa field has been another awakening. Hours volunteering on the Boise State University Board of Directors has found more time on the calendar than anticipated. And lets face it, when it comes to visiting friends and family, the 3 day rule applies: those visits are like fish... after 3 days, it's time to toss it. And how can anyone go away for months at a time and not worry about stuff with the house? Like this past week when our new water heater sprung a leak on a Saturday morning.
I've learned more than I care to about water heaters, water filtrations systems, weed eradication, erecting grape vine trellises, composting, top soil / manure blends, quality of gravel (road mix vs. pit mix, vs. 3/4' round), fast growing vs. slow growing trees, sprinkler systems, hydro-seeding and of course, tumbleweeds. And of course, age...and mobility as we age, also factors in. In my heart and head, I'm still 20-something. In reality, I look for every reason not to get on the floor. I read a note the other day that one way to tell if you're old is if you fall in front of a group of people and they laugh...you're still young. If they run to see if you're o.k... well... we know the answer.
Supporting my wife's business has been a welcome devotion in time as she supported my career for 33 years around the world. But all of that has really taken it's toll on getting my boat in the water (the boat my loving wife bought me as a retirement present). We got it out 2 times last summer. Heresy!
There is satisfaction in having time to reflect on life thus far. I believe that those who spend time in reflection seldom have a need to look in a mirror. And so we go on. Finding joy in watching grandkids grow. Worrying about our Nation. Trying to eat right and exercise all while knowing that in the end, it won't really matter. I get a lot more enjoyment watching each sunrise these days... and am a little bit sadder watching the sunset... unless I'm on a beach in St Thomas. And then, I thank the fact that we are retired and I don't have to get up for anything in the morning.
Plant those pretty flower Cynthia... and marvel at their beauty every day!