In praise of critiquing, not criticizing

The power of exchanging ideas

Today is genuinely a day of personal privilege. We all have places and people we remember, to paraphrase the Beatles’s “In My Life”, which evoke irreplaceable memories. Today I reflect on place I probably evoke thanks and can enjoy deepest relaxation these days.

We are in south central Pennsylvania, near Gettysburg, visiting our dear friends. You have seen me reference them more than once. We carpooled for several years with Bill, a retired Naval aviator who donates copious amounts of retirement to a truly noble cause—Habitat for Humanity—in a county certainly needing such a commitment for some of its residents. Bill’s actions, physical and mental, create so much for those who Habitat helps house. In this era of sheer exhausting rhetoric, Bill is a champion doer, rather than merely an observer. His entire life is about active service to this country.

Susan is the dog whisperer of such remarkable skill that the service dog community flies her around the globe to help others learn how to work with dogs. Her education on behavior, causes and effects, helped me as both Dean of Faculty and Provost more than I let on at the time. Most of her work, I suspect, really is on training people as much as the compliant, loving labradors who work without help those in need.

Their self built home is most welcoming, magical place, overlooking the Appalachian Trail amidst acres of apple trees and corn stalks. So much on their table comes directly out of Susan's bountiful garden. Her chickens devour whatever don’t get consume, providing compost to fuel the magnificent vegetables of all types that she cultivates. We laughed Thursday about my recent column on serendipity and unexpected effects when I discovered a bird carried a tomato plant into my fuschia basket. Susan similarly thought she would fill in between rows of other cultivations with a couple of squash seeds but they proliferated to fill the back entrance to the house, a situation she simply did not envision.

Susan and Bill are the type of friends where we sit in the kitchen with absolutely no pretense. Susan tried a new squash soup recipe with no fear, only to have it turn out to calls of “Hmm. It is ok but it is missing something?…Or it is too much allspice?…Can we throw in some dollops of rice to make it better?” The joy of relationships built on no fear rather than perpetual hesitancy are unspeakably welcome in life.

Last evening, following a stimulating yet refreshing day of two long walks in the autumn light, another couple we have known for decades came for supper. Susan’s vegetarian chili is always divine. Everyone else devoured her beets, the lasting memory of which for me (as a non beet eater) is that she had grown one that looked for all of the world to be an eggplant with its ginormous size but it was a beet.

Bill and Steve go back forever, renowned aviators in a brotherhood with a long legacy. Kate, Steve’s wife, has my deep respect as a naval flight surgeon in an era there were virtually no women in the service, much less as flight surgeons on carriers or in base hospitals. We laughed until tears ran down our faces, discussed the joys of recently born grandchildren, and the things old friends do.

We also struggled to understand how the world can seem so bleak to so many in this country of bounty. There were about 120 years’ combined service to the U.S. Navy around the table, including service on Vietnamese rivers and at Khe Sanh, in the Gulf War, and treating some of the most horrific injuries one can imagine. Yet these individuals were each musing about why so people for whom they swore an oath to defended the Constitution with their lives have such a sense of doubt here at home. We certainly did not answer the questions to anyone’s satisfaction nor did anyone dispute that anger exists but, each with a unique perspective, discussed what we see.

In this era where we are seeing such societal, if not global, anxiety, relationships with those with whom we have shared deep experiences are vital as they seem to prove we are not alone. I suspect that political energy as we finally enter the home stretch before the election evidences this reality. Many, many people seek assurances that others grasp their pain, their hope, their frustration, their giddy joys, or their anger. I just wish we could find a better balance between some of those emotions in our country rather than each side going into a corner as if the other side were completely nonexistent or fundamentally wrong about everything. I do not question each individual’s privilege of thoughts, of course, but the fear of critiquing ideas starts to explain our divisions as we individually focus on the desired emotional reinforcement we prefer.

Critiquing means examining rather than necessarily criticizing; they are actually two different meanings. Just a thought.

We have had a wonderful visit, not least because the dogs are so grounding. Labrador’s are perpetually happy; they just are. They seek love, affection, to please us while getting their basic needs met. Labradors remind us that our own complexities may not be advantages for humans but decided complications. I find the presence among labs, even though we have two quirky and often charming cats, to be one of the greatest grounding effects in my life.

So we blast off back to wonderful but different Spa Creek in a couple of hours, recharged for a few months. The act of spending time with those who take us for who and how we are (indeed with peculiarities abounding and unabashedly obvious) sounds so trite but is genuinely one of the greatest of gifts. Bill and Susan let us be as we let the, work on the homestead as they would any other day. Their hospitality is one of the most cherished of things as we live these days.

Perhaps it is knowing we can come do absolutely nothing or go be wild and crazy. We can sit, seeing the Appalachian Trail a couple of miles away as generations have done on this land. The point is that the shared trust and respect are actions engendering incalculable consequence for which I am immensely grateful.

Thank you for reading Actions today or any other day. I welcome your thoughts, your experiences, your friendships or you lost moments as we try cultivating civil, measured conversation on the complexities and weight of our contemporary world.

Be well and be safe. FIN