Meaning to versus doing something

Sadness of disappointing someone

We spent the weekend in the Brandywine Valley of southeastern Pennsylvania and northwestern Delaware. It was a deviation from our plans with family but things evolve so we enjoyed going with the flow. Saturday was a chilly day but the daffodils were prolific and the creeks were high. The large number of museums in the area were busy with people both checking out exhibitions and avoiding the biting wind. It was a restful enjoyment.

I had never been to Mt. Cuba, an amazing preserve of open space, an André Harvey sculpture, a beautiful garden intended for lunching with nature, and all of it open to the public. The forsythia were also fully on show to cap a lovely span within a few minutes of Wilmington or even Philadelphia.

Yet part of me could not get past one of my deepest personal regrets. Probably seventeen years ago, my beloved Spanish teacher from Thailand wrote me an unexpected letter. I had not seen her in thirty-five years, although we corresponded on and off. She was so special to me because she was not only an outstanding teacher but she was also a classy lady in an era when we had far fewer role models than women understand in today’s world. A madrileña married to a U.S. Army officer, she taught at the International School the years I was in high school. She was a tough task mistress and had that European flair so I gravitated to her over my time in Bangkok. I and many of my friends adored simply adored her and that broad smile she always wore that filled a room.

The letter told me how much she enjoyed having me as a student because I took continuing my Colombian Spanish so seriously. She noted she rarely saw that in her years teaching and asked if I would please come to see her in Greenville, Delaware since it wasn’t that far from Virginia where I was living.

I was ecstatic and so honoured to receive the letter. One of my fondest high school memories was when she challenged our advanced class to an exam. It came with a twist, however: it was purely on grammar and to receive credit, one had to agree before we started to get every question correct. I was the only person in the class to take her up on it and succeeded. I was over the moon because I knew how pleased she was that I made the effort, much less that I succeeded. A lot of my interaction with her over the years was along these lines—she really pushed us to perfect our work. Since she spoke Castilian and I spoke Colombian, we had a humourous difference in using the letter z. Castilian Spanish pronounces it as a th in English while the rest of the world uses something more akin to an S. No matter, she tolerated my deviant behaviour with great enthusiasm.

I answered her, in Spanish that I rewrote multiple times to assure it was letter perfect, that I would love to bring my youngsters with me to meet her but that I was in the midst of finishing a manuscript. I promised I would get to Greenville as soon as I submitted it to the publisher. I think I anticipated it would be about 3 months.

The three months passed. Four books also came afterwards. I never forgot my commitment but I kept having things arise to prevent meeting my promise.

I contacted her last address probably a decade ago, receiving a letter from a sister who explained that Patricia was in a facility for undisclosed reasons. She thanked me for the interest but did not urge me to come. Then again, she did not prohibit me, either.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed by the sadness of lost opportunity. This woman meant so much to me but over the years I lost touch, I actually lost even the sister’s letter, and I failed to do the one thing Patricia asked. I am haunted by the disappointment I caused by putting something actually less important over the request of someone who had done so much for me over the years.

Actions create consequences. We get caught up in the day to day without seeing the big requests as important to someone else. I regret so having let her down.

Of course each of us has obligations we strive to meet, some professional and others personal. But it’s so simple to bring joy to others sometimes that I wish I had made a higher priority. Life means balancing so much yet we look back wishing we had leaned the other way so often, don’t we?

Thanks for reading ACC today. I appreciate your time and welcome your personal experiences. I especially thank those who subscribe to the column.

Have a safe view of the eclipse if you are so lucky. In any case, do savour a terrific week in Spring!

Be well and be safe. FIN