paying it forward or “grace bombs"
working within our comfort zone
As anyone who read yesterday’s column recalls, I advocated for grace in interactions we have with others. I, of course, wanted to promote this early in the holiday season before the madness of self-entitlement overwhelmed us. I know so many people afflicted with chronic depression and its devastating, tragic effects.
Our daughter was here for a day from Pennsylvania so we arranged to dine with my brother and his wife for breakfast. My brother and his wife live at a crossroads in rural Maryland about an hour away. We see them only rarely because their schedules are messy and they see our daughter even less often. We chose my husband’s go-to place for unparalleled French toast. It was a relaxed meal with quiet conversation once everyone arrived.
I was looking for our server afterwards since my brother and I have an on-going fight over the bill. They drive from an hour away when we dine here so I feel I should get the check while he feels he should get the check because he should get the check, regardless how far each of us drove. It’s part of our weird family dynamics (stop: are there any families that don’t have odd dynamics in one way or another?) but I was determined to “win” this time.
As I was about to make eye contact with our server, some guy I had never seen leaned over our table of five to put down the receipt for our paid tab. He didn’t linger, mumbling “Grace bomb. Look it up. Your breakfast is paid for.” Then he disappeared. It did not take a full minute.
None of us said a word except to stare at each other. I think we each independently thought we had misunderstood, if not dreamt up, the scene. Picking up the receipt, however, he had indeed paid for all five of our meals and coffees.
On the reverse of the receipt, he had written “grace bomp (sic). Look it up”.
I am a big believer in surprises and in ‘paying forward” but what was going on?
Once we parted company, I indeed looked it up. Grace Bombing results from the beliefs and actions of a network of 60 churches across the United States and Samoa where the members spread “the kindness of Jesus”. Several listed were Baptist, at least one Presbyterian and one Methodist, but mostly more non-specified Protestant communities.
Their site links to a YouTube video of a discussion between the movement founder, Patrick Linnell, and Focus on the Family, the conservative and often controversial Colorado Springs Pro-Life community founded by James Dobson. I could not find much to indicate quite how close ties are between the Grace Bomb community and Focus on the Family but the Focusonthefamily.com website refers to Linnell’s views as helping advance “simple obedience with world-changing impact”. Linnell, according to what I found online, argues expanding the idea of loving one’s neighbor benefits all communities. In examining the website for Grace Bombing, I note multiple Protestant churches here in the Annapolis area appear on the list. I have never thought of this as a particularly religious part of the country but I had not been keenly examining that question.
Perhaps the payer simply chose us out of the room (probably). Perhaps he thought we looked like we needed someone to provide us a pleasant surprise. Perhaps I don’t know what.
But the encounter left me wondering more than I came away knowing because it bordered on being instantaneous. The grace bombing site states an intention to share the kindness and obviously this also draws more attendees in the pews. This guy who paid our tab literally did not say anything else to us so any recruiting would have to understood as an indirect consequence of the action; he didn’t even wait for a thank you. He wasn’t even easy to understand, in truth. Curious.
I mention the incident because I advocated gentle interactions yesterday morning prior to breakfast, promoting more self-awareness as we interact with others. I absolutely do encourage “paying forward” as a way to consider what he did with our breakfast, as another way to look at this curious encounter. In my retirement remarks two years ago, I spoke of “paying forward” in our careers as I find that such a vital concept but admit to thinking of it less often in my daily life. Psychologists frequently note that giving often feels better than receiving which is part of why this matters. But, I am a more secular proponent of the actions and the intention, through our First Amendment protections, of letting individuals practice their faith without it involving me. If he felt joy in doing something on behalf of others, more power to him; I suspect the majority of you have as well.
This unknown benefactor took an understated approach, something I strongly support. He acted, frankly, as I would have with paying forward except I would not have even mentioned it directly to the people involved. He did not convince any of us to attend a Protestant church service or to adhere to some congregation but he did surprise us with an act of kindness. Those are in short supply these days, regardless the source. For that, I do appreciate his action.
I will make sure I pay forward his kindness at some point this holiday season though it most definitely will not be under that terminology nor with the association. If nothing else, he has managed to resurrect the idea of giving in an era when so much focus appears on taking.
I will end today by quoting the famous poem The Desiderata by Max Ehrmann. He closes with two appropriate recommendations as we head into the holiday season—or into any hour of the day. “With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”
It is indeed a beautiful world. Each of us experiences it differently, of course, with some good, some bad, and some meh but the alternative is worse not to be part of it.
I welcome your rebuttals, thoughts, questions, or anything else for this or any other topic in Actions Create Consequences. The point to this substack is to create a dialogue about addressing the challenges we face. I appreciate your time. I also deeply thank the subscribers who make it possible.
The beautiful white mandevilla in our community did not survive the cold last night, a tragedy of some proportion as I find the followers it bears so spectacular for half the year. But, nature has a way of wending along. Instead of a photo of that plant, I offer the truly still waters of Spa Creek this morning as the clouds hung on but the reflections were superb.
Be well and be safe. FIN
“Grace bomb”, http://www.gracebomb.org
Max Erhmann, Desiderata, 1927, retrieved at https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html
Patrick Linnell, GraceBomb retrieved at https://store.focusonthefamily.com/grace-bomb/