that fuschia notebook

my gratitude habit

Former U.S Ambassador to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia for five years, James B. Smith, will be our Timely Topics webinar speaker in mid-July. I offered a date late this morning but want to hear that works for him. In light of the Kingdom’s recent moves towards Iran, closer to China, and on petroleum, AMB Smith’s experiences with Mohammed bin Salman offer us considerable insight. AMB Smith is a Distinguished Graduate of the U.S. Air Force Academy, an F-15 pilot, a Distinguished Graduate of the National War College where he stayed on to become a faculty member for two years, and a former Wing Commander at Kadena Air Force Base in Japan. To add to an already well-rounded career, he also served in private industry upon completing his Air Force years and closed his illustrious formal career at the University of Southern New Hampshire. Details follow as soon as I confirm them.

Considering today’s world, I want to vouch personally for a piece Christina Caron published in the New York Times entitled ‘Gratitude Really is Good for You. Here’s what the Science Shows’.

Gratitude, in my humble but considerable experience, really can alter the world for you if you come to approach things with the awe rather than expectation. It also is a conscious choice, whether science told me so or not, that turned me into someone more able to find equanimity. Big words and big changes.

During the pandemic, that bloody pandemic, what few minutes I got away from phone calls and Teams calls five days a week were masked walks we sneaked off for in Eastport, the Annapolis neighbourhood we moved into six months before the pandemic stole two plus years of our lives. I could not believe during the end of the Academic Year 2019-2020 that we made it through, as a result of the tireless efforts of the world’s most committed faculty, but I was utterly burned out. I hated the masks but was knew they were important (yes, still believe it was the right thing to do). I hated the computer calls from 0600-1800 or later but I had a college wanting guidance and was part of a university in the midst of considerable turmoil. Even getting to the grocery store was a chore because of the hours, the masks, social distancing, and all you remember so well. I resented lots of things but was glad I had someone so supportive if I had to be in the middle of this with no prospective end we could count on.

I got up one Monday morning at my usual 3.30 to prepare for the seemingly endless meetings on the computer. I noticed this beautiful fushcia-coloured Leuchtturm hardcovered notebook on my side table. I bought it years earlier as I am a sucker for either fuschia or periwinkle items but had never opened the notebook’s spine. In a fit of pique as I surveyed the calls ahead, I picked up one of my beloved fountain pens and opened the notebook. I looked at the blank page, asking myself why I was keeping it if I wasn’t using it.

Hadn’t I heard that gratitude made you feel better? Seriously? Oh, puleeze. Sure. Gratitude for what? Ok. what if I looked for four things to cite with gratitude? Me? Are you really thinking this, Cynthia? Ok, hell, the notebook is sitting here empty after all these years, why not?

I put the date as 11 Jan 2021 followed by

-awoke with excellent health, best husband and best friend.

-kids good

-still best job in world

-love photography and improving

-coup failed

Geez, that is a pretty good life, I realised. By that point, hundreds of thousands of people globally could not count on any of those things as points of gratitude because they were no longer with us. I really do have something to feel something worthy.

The next day, I similarly got up at Oh Dark Thirty as the military often calls it. I reached for the notebook. We had a faculty offsite, sadly virtual again, that I knew was going to be tense because the coup attempt had been only the prior week and the country, including the National War College faculty, was in shock for a variety of reasons. That turmoil, the drive into town at 4 in the morning and return home required a much longer duration each afternoon, along with the tensions underway at the University made it no longer the world’s best job as it had been for decades. Still, I figured the five bullets the day before gave me a bump so why not repeat one more time?

So, I wrote 12 Jan 2021

-awoke w/ excellent health, best husband + friend

-kids ok

-see what a FABULOUS 29 years @NWC has been

-ready for new challenges

-many people appreciate my efforts

Suddenly, the news I was going to deliver that afternoon seemed ok. I surprised the Commandant the prior evening by telling him I intended to retire over the summer of 2021. I did not tell either of my Associate Deans or anyone else until the end of the offsite that afternoon.

But, already after two conscious, purposeful instances of gratitude, my attitude was changing, softening, calming. It’s easy to attribute that change to the retirement decision but I knew immediately that was not it. It was appreciating the actions, the attitudes, the health, the people, the environment, and so forth.

Two and a half years later, I continue that daily ritual, always surprised at how many things I have to appreciate. I find this small daily step also opened the door to me reaching out more deliberately to others to let them know how much I appreciate them, even if it’s seeing them walk the dog across the street. I find myself saying hello to people I don’t know, in some cases don’t ever want to know, but trying to find a reframing of how I approach them.

I don’t always write every single morning but I have not gone more than two days’ worth writing since 11 January 2021. It’s the most amazing therapy that I could offer myself. And yes, I do go back through to see the things that mattered and how they make me feel now. I also compare handwriting for fun which often tells me more than I expected. That fuschia notebook is my appendage when I travel which gives me a vital reminder of how I function best.

I know this all sounds pretty ‘woo’. And I am ok with that. Actually, I am good with that as I am so aware that the world isn’t about me and my supposed needs all the time. I had always written thank you notes as I believe in letting people know how much I appreciate the time they give me out of their lives; time is irretrievable. But, I crave gratitude reminding me how much good there is at a time when we seem to dwell so constantly on the negative.

I still read multiple newspapers daily but I angst a lot less. I get upset by stupid drivers (who seem to gravitate my way more often than I like) but I ‘let go’ of anger more easily than I did. And all of this began before retirement so it’s not just a benefit of my change in status.

I don’t want to oversell the change. I still have frustrations, irritations, anxieties, occasional down days, and impatience. But, I also look forward to reframing and can zap myself back into a more grateful place than I ever could before.

It’s the change in attitude and greater gratitude that makes a tremendous effort with actually a relatively low investment of time. It’s nice science has caught up with me.FIN

Christina Caron, ‘Gratitude Really is Good for You. Here’s what the Science Shows’, NewYorkTimes.com, 8 June 2023, retrieved at https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/08/well/mind/gratitude-health-benefits.html?smid=em-share