victimisation

trying to escape it

We have had too little peace of late, leading to weariness, frustration, entitlement, and too often worse. It is simply overload all of the time. We strive, we continue pushing, and we push yet further, only to feel ‘I don’t know where I’m running now, I’m just running oni as Jackson Brown sang decades ago in the 1977 album ‘Running on Empty’.

Covid exacerbated this to unbelievable levels which remain high, almost four months into this heinous experience. I still find masks in every coat pocket and wonder how life worked before we were all on such pins and needles. It’s easy to blame a single person but it’s been a convoluted, horrible several years for everyone I know.

We grumble, we vent, too often we get depressed, occasionally we abuse substances in response, we blame inanimates objects, we utter some convoluted ugly language more commonly than we exercise ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. We frequently take out our wrath, built on everything above, on some other person as if that individual were responsible for our behaviour. Worse, we not infrequently blame an entire class or race of people as if they acted as unified to defy our personal demands even though we don’t know the people we are attacking.

We, often quite privileged, think solely in terms of our victimisation. Oy, vey.

Far too often we think of payback rather than how to walk away from the insignificant issue causing anger for even a few moments to reset, to lower our shoulders to remove the kinks, or simply to allow the ship of each of our minds to right itself with some perspective.

I actually try breathing slowly when things get stupid. Some days it works, most it doesn’t. I have a cuppa but that is only successful some of the time. So, I walk or, more recently, surround myself with the colour, whimsy,

or surprise of reflections in photographs.

Photography is now my escape, friend, and elixir. A friend asked in a Christmas card yesterday whether photography is my new profession. I wish! In truth, it’s become an outlet so I less burden either my husband further with my whining or my friends with my sarcastic commentary. I haven’t conquered all my irritations but know I am far better off than I was early in the pandemic.

I find framing light in a little box on a screen, then pushing a wee button to capture that image so refreshing. I love the contrasts that photography brings out in so many shots. I adore those serendipidous moments when I look up from the computer screen to capture a fleeting colour.

or I see some connection that I would not like to miss for future reference.

Deep down, I suppose we find escapes from our frustrations because we seek the gratification of accomplishing something. I like to show someone else something I think is pretty to get their reaction. I don’t care whether they agree but I do yearn to hear how a friend would do it better or what I missed or what I could do in a black and white versus the colour I shot.

I began posting them during the pandemic in spite of my fear people would find them insufficient.

One of those gifts of the pandemic that I did not anticipate: the sheer frustration of the period freed me from the perfectionism I so often fail to ignore. If you like a picture, great!

(what was I thinking that I took this picture in 2016 at such an angle? seriously??) If you don’t find it worth your time, ok, great! You probably don’t find COVID all that great, either, so a dash of colour breaking out over Spa Creek can be a worthy relief.

That freedom to share somehow pushed me to become better at what I was doing. It also allowed me to appreciate all the seemingly mundane places that are actually miraculously stunning.

I have a long way to go in photography.

(this was some phenomenon I thought I needed to catch; not so much, I see) I recognise daily that I have come a long way as it is, merely because I sought an escape from a situation I detested, figuring you were as unhappy about it as I was. But, we are far from at the finish line of photo success. Thank goodness I enjoy improvement training….

Actions Create Consequences. Some good, some not so much. This is one of the better ones.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas with those you love. If you’re apart from them or unattached, I wish you the joy of planning for days ahead. Cherish who and what we have as it can disappear without warning. Be good or Santa will bring you a stocking full of coal or mushrooms.

Thank you for being part of this substack community. I value your time and interest, as well as your thoughts.

Be well and be safe. FIN

https://chaospin.com/best-jackson-browne-songs/