another epidemic we can address

our role in the loneliness equation

I can already hear the howls about Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declaring a national epidemic of loneliness. I imagine folks disparaging his shocking finding of a 60% increase in risk of premature deaths resulting from social isolation, loneliness, and insufficient connection with others,¹ but I wonder why it took so long for someone to raise the point in polite company.

As Vice Admiral Murthy’s remarks remind us, the causes are many with even greater effects. People living longer, people who never marry by choice or by circumstance, people who marry far later than in the past, people who have health reasons leading to isolation, higher rates of divorce, and many more. While many people choose to live alone, that does not mean they are immune to occasional or sustained loneliness, isolation, feeling of lack of connection, and a combination of those factors.

While isolation and loneliness do cause horrible behaviour, the number of mass shootings linked back not only to mental health concerns but to isolation and the associated effects is pretty clear if one reads the post crises reports. Again, mental health and loneliness or isolation are far different phenomena but there certainly does, at least anecdotally, appear a coincidence.

And then there was COVID. I heard a demonstrable panic and fear in the voices of many people—old, young, women, men, and everyone in between—I attempted to keep up with during the pandemic. I contacted them as I worried about the conditions they faced. COVID isolation resulted from good, sound medical advice as a deterrent to spread but that does not mean it was an easy choice for any of us, especially those who yearned for the human connection on the most basic of things like a smile, a look into someone’s eyes, or a hug. It is hard to recall today that was at least an 18 month sentence of isolation, if not many more for the elderly who feared risking their lives when in close contact with others.

Yet that close contact was what they often sought and needed. ZOOM may be a way to keep up but it is not the same as seeing someone twitch at something said or some other manifestation of human contact outside of the camera’s focus.

The question we really need answer is how are we each going to help end this particular epidemic? This is one we can each work on directly, at our own pace, and in a meaningful manner which can change a life or perhaps even a community.

Back around Thanksgiving, I wrote about what a difference one can make in support and mentoring of young women; the same techniques and actions can be helpful perhaps in relaxing someone’s feeling of isolation. The great news is that the actions available are almost infinite.

A quick phone call makes oodles of difference, a zoom or FaceTime call even better. They can be short and spontaneous or scheduled and detailed; the option is yours but the likely thanks you will engender (spoken or not) will be incalcuable. Think about how great it feels when someone you haven’t heard from takes time to remember YOU.

How about a quick note? It can be a fancy card from Whole Foods or it can be an index card with emojis. It costs you the time to write a few lines, affix a stamp that is less than 75 cents, and you make someone smile. A text is equally easy and quick; you can also add a photograph to make the individual smile. You don’t have to ask for a response but you may get a double dose of satisfaction if you make someone else feel better and he returns the favour by asking about you. Sure we are busy but come on, aren’t we busier telling about how busy we are than the time to write a simple note? We aren’t talking about a novella here but a hello, been thinking of you, how is the dog note.

Taking a flower from your garden to a shut in, in your neighbourhood or in a facility, brightens the person’s day for longer than the time it took you to snip the rose or daisy. Again, the benefits accrue not only to help stem that person’s isolation but to help you feel you have made a difference for someone else.

How about sending a recipe you find online to someone else? An advert for a pair of trousers you think are absurdly funny so you encourage the other person to get out of her funk by laughing as well (some of the photographs from the Met event this past Monday night might be a great start).

If you are mroe ambitious, what about starting a weekly walking club? A daily coffee cliche? We had a woman in our neighbourhood who passed away in November but she assiduously included every newcomer in her wide ranging invitations to walk into Annapolis every morning. The participants not only got exercise but were around others for about an hour and a half daily in open space.

Have you ever thought of reading for the Blind & Dyslexic? That amazing organisation needs help with reading and monitoring the reading to assure its quality. Talk about being involved with others if they hear your voice over the period it takes to read a 300 page text book. How about reading with a friend on line to improve your Spanish or to discuss the Russian Revolution?

I have a relative who teaches yoga to veterans, providing them not only help with mental health challenges which likely have a component involving isolation but also provide them some structure to their lives while giving their bodies some soothing relaxation.

Finally, if you are in need of reaching out because YOU are isolated, there are literally countless volunteer opportunities across this world where your engagement makes a tremendous difference. Of course it can be scary but taking that first step can be oh so rewarding as well.

Please send some more suggestions and thoughts in the comments section as you can make a difference doing that alone.

Because the deep dark dirty secret that Vice Admiral Murthy’s plea unmasks for all of us is that we are humans alone and together at all times. We succeed as individuals but we also thrive as people. In this period of increasing polarisation that last bit may be hard to recall but I know of no religion or culture that isn’t built on the interaction of people. We often claim to want citizens to take responsibilities for their actions and here is a perfect example. Perhaps starting to remember that alone is a first step for each and every one of us.FIN

1. Emma Egan, ‘US Surgeon General calls for actionregarading the ‘ongoing epidemic of loneliness and isolation’,’ abcnews.com, 2 May 2023, retrieved at https://abcnews.go.com/Health/us-surgeon-general-calls-action-ongoing-epidemic-loneliness/story?id=98988970